Hi. This is Skipper the Squirrel writing on behalf of grey squirrels everywhere.

Are you aware that hundreds of cute, fury, grey squirrels are squished each and every day on secondary roads in Connecticut by oncoming cars? That’s right, hundreds! What a tragedy!

That’s why I am asking animal rights groups throughout the state to pony up some cash to provide a program to educate grey squirrels in proper road crossing safety procedures. Through no fault of our own, we are ignorant of where to run when approached by an oncoming car. Do we run to the double yellow line or the single white line? In the excitement of the moment, we get all mixed up. White line, yellow line, white line, yellow line, white, yellow, white, yellow...then splat!

From cute, fury wonder of nature to crow fodder in an instant. And why? Lack of education.

Now you see why I am asking animal rights groups everywhere to do something about this tragic situation. A brain is a terrible thing to waste. Especially when its splattered all over the pavement.

Thank you.